Tim Darling is a math expert, who studied billions of computer simulations of Monopoly games, to figure out, mathematically, how you should play to have the best chance at winning the game. 

#1.)  ALWAYS BUY RAILROADS, NEVER BUY UTILITIES.  The revenue from railroads is much more constant over time. 

#2.)  ONLY BUY PROPERTY TO COMPLETE A MONOPOLY, OR KEEP AN OPPONENT FROM COMPLETING ONE.  Owing one or two properties in a group is useless, unless it stops Monopolies . . . because you need to build houses to win. 

#3.)  ALWAYS GET A “CHEAPER” MONOPOLY.  Get one of the four monopolies on the first two sides of the board:  The purples, light blues, light purples or oranges.  And get it quickly . . . trade if you have to. 

#4.)  ONLY BUILD THREE HOUSES.  As soon as you get a Monopoly, put THREE houses on each property.  Exactly three.  Based on the math, three houses is the sweet spot . . . they’ll pay off the most over time, without being too expensive up front like hotels. 

#5.)  ONCE YOUR FIRST MONOPOLY STARTS MAKING MONEY, GET A MORE EXPENSIVE MONOPOLY.  And put three houses on each of its properties. 

#6.)  STAY IN JAIL.  Once your opponents have monopolies, moving around the board will, most likely, cost you money.  So, stay in jail as long as you can.  But, until they have monopolies, get out of jail quickly so you can get back to buying property.  (Amnesta.net)

HOW TO EARN RESPECT (Men’s Health)

• Pick up the tab. What? Buy respect? Of course not — you earn it by showing it as you scoop up the bill. To your potential father-in-law: “Your daughter and I would like to treat you.” On business: “Jim, it’s the least I can do.”
• Try the sushi.
• Never blunt the bad news.
• Stay sober when no one would blame you for drinking.
• Nail the toast.
• Cook for 12.
• Become what you told people you always wanted to be.
• When some lemon- sucker asks, “Ugh, you actually like that book?” just reply — with unwavering eye contact — “Yes.”
• Say no when no’s the answer. “We’ll see,” “I’ll have to get back to you on that,” and “I’m not 100 percent sure” are smoke screens for the man who’s afraid to disappoint.
• Become multilingual. Could be Spanish. Could be the secret language of the internal combustion engine. Either way, it’s a life truth: A man with two tongues is a man in demand.
• Risk being hated for doing the right thing.
• Show patience with those who can’t do what you can.

Sometimes Eddie isn’t the best enunciator. The song on which this is most confusing is Yellow Ledbetter. Thankfully someone’s cracked the code, and shared it with us via YouTube goodness.

OK…you can accuse Newsboy and I of being fruitcakes, but I don’t see anything wrong with combining a desire to watch hot young models cavort and cat-fight and high stakes gambling. Hence, newsboy and I have a America’s Next Top Model pool. A few weeks back, we made our own personal Top 12 lists, flipped a coin for first pick, then had our draft. I won the toss, and here are our picks in order:

#1 Victoria (Josh)

#2 Bianca (Newsboy)

#3 Heather (Josh)

#4 Jenah (Newsboy)

#5 Kimberly (Josh)

#6 Ebony (Newsboy)

#7 Sarah (Josh)

#8 Saleisha (Newsboy)

#9 Janet (Josh)

#10 Chantal (Newsboy)

#11 Ambreal (Josh)

#12 Lisa (Newsboy)

Each week the winner buys the other coffee, although it’s winner takes all!

(#1 and #2 pictured)

OK, technically this should be on Lynch’s blog and not mine, as Lynch is obsessed with Transformers. He wants to be a Transformer, or failing that, make love to a Transformer, or failing that, make love to his lotiony hand while wearing Transformer PJs. But Lynch is a lazy, lazy blogger, so this one’s for him. Maybe he’s not lazy enough to link to this post from his blog. We’ll see.

I must thank listener Leanne Harrison for sending this my way. We had some fun with it today. There’s a website where you can get Optimus Prime to call or e-mail a friend or enemy of yours. Unfortunately at the end of the message Optimus Prime starts shilling DVDs. Also, if you have an unusual name, you might be out of luck. There’s no Lynch and the closest to Josh I could get was Joshua.

Optimus Prime Calls Lynch (audio)

Get OP to call someone

Our beautiful X92.9 receptionist Jordan loves corny jokes, and a few months ago we brought her on-air to tell some, hoping it might become a regular thing. Well, after her first appearance, we got many positive calls, but some meany called Jordan at reception and told her that her jokes stunk. Well, Jordan was already a little hesitant about coming on live, and this forced her to retire from Jordan’s Jokes. A few weeks ago, I was at Mile One, and Erin was our server. Out of the blue, Erin asked me if I wanted to hear a joke. Of course I agreed. She proceeded to tell me the first joke you’ll hear below. It was a natural to have her come in to replace Jordan’s Jokes. And she’s sorta cute too.

Erin’s Jokes Episode #1

I see a ton of guys who do their business in the men’s room, then leave without washing their hands. Pretty gross, especially when it was a stall visit. It’s even more funny seeing a guy finish his business, spend five minutes primping his hair in front of the sink and mirror, and then walk out without washing his hands. Perhaps more guys would wash up if the sinks looked like this:

Pauly Shore is in town for a bunch of shows at Yuk-Yuks over the weekend, and he’ll be stopping by my show from 4-5PM (ish) to have a chat and hang out. It’ll be live inside the X92.9 Studios at 17th Ave and 2nd on the Red Mile. Feel free to stop by and check it out.

 

OK…you can accuse Newsboy and I of being fruitcakes, but I don’t see anything wrong with combining a desire to watch hot young models cavort and cat-fight and high stakes gambling. Hence, newsboy and I have a America’s Next Top Model pool. We made our own personal Top 12 lists, flipped a coin for first pick, then had our draft. I won the toss, and here are our picks in order:

#1 Victoria (Josh)

#2 Bianca (Newsboy)

#3 Heather (Josh)

#4 Jenah (Newsboy)

#5 Kimberly (Josh)

#6 Ebony (Newsboy)

#7 Sarah (Josh)

#8 Saleisha (Newsboy)

#9 Janet (Josh)

#10 Chantal (Newsboy)

#11 Ambreal (Josh)

#12 Lisa (Newsboy)

(#1 and #2 pictured)

I stopped in for a chat with Chris Cornell (at his hotel) before Sunday night’s sold-out show. He’s a down-to-earth, thoughtful, well-spoken guy, which made the interview pretty smooth-sailing. Here’s the audio:

Chris Cornell Segment #1

Chris Cornell Segment #2

Chris Cornell Blog-Only Bonus Audio