My “biggest fan” calls in when Candice is filling in for Newsboy. She seems jealpus, but there are other issues:

March 18 Biggest Fan Audio

There’s a company that will soon offer ringtones featuring moans of famous porn performers. We didn’t have any male ones, so I made one you can use for your phone. I’m not really a loud guy in bed, so it’s a little exaggerated.

joshringtone.mp3

My biggest fan rung up again, and apparently caught Candice filling in news/traffic for Newsboy on Friday afternoon. She seemed a little put off by it, although she did want to say hello. A terse hello. Listen:

Biggest Fan Call - March 11

Charly walked off into the sunset, and almost on cue my biggest fan (Stalker?) comes back into the picture. It can’t be coincidence. Here’s the call:

Biggest Fan February 29

Not sure what to make of this one. Charly, or Chuck as he/she’s been calling him/herself called in today to say he/she’s given up on trying to hang out with me. Will he/she really walk off into the sunset? Time will tell.  Here’s the audio:

Charly February 21 

Well, he/she called again. It gets weirder and weirder. Here’s the call:

Charly/Stalker February 5th

No, this post isn’t about naming penises…we’ll save that for another day. We talked on-air about a British poll that asked women what guy names they associated with larger penises, and also smaller penises. The top ten male names they associate with large weiners:

#10 Dan, #9 Richard, #8 Andy, #7 Chris, #6 Robert, #5 Mark, #4 James, #3 Steve, #2 Paul, and the number one name (British!) women mentally associate with larger pant-snakes?

Dave. (what about the statue of David? Pictured here.)

OK, now the humiliating part. Remind me not to visit Britain anytime soon. Top ten male names they mentally attach to smaller penii:

#10 Nick, #9 Dennis, #8 Barry, #7 (cough!) Josh, #6 Jeremy, #5 Keith, #4 Frank, #3 Nigel (it’s a Brit thing), #2 Brian, and the number one mens name women match to a tiny weiner?

Ray.  Sorry Ray. 

I love the idea of fooling the general public. Illusions, pranks, hidden camera stuff, social psychology. Anything that surreptitiously messes with peoples’ heads. Even movies and theatre stuff. In any case, there’s a collective called Improv Everywhere that stage live, large scale events in major cities. They had a brilliant one recently at New York’s Grand Central Station. A similar “freeze” is planned for The Eaton Centre in Toronto. Would love to see something in Calgary. Here’s the Frozen Grand Central:

Friday marked another call from a “guy” who sounds suspiciously like my biggest fan. Also suspicious is the fact that the calls from Charly started the week after my biggest fan said she wasn’t going to call anymore. Hockey and/or cocoa? No thank-you. The call:

 Stalker/Charly Feb 1

I was at my aunt and uncles place out in Cochrane over the holidays. They have an enormous bag of Smurf figures that their nieces love to play with. All but one of them are the typical blue and white, in various activities from sports to business. What about the other one? He’s black. And he’s angry. Of all the smurfs, the angry, devil-like one is a black man. Where is Reverend Al when you need him?