Cheryl from the Calgary Humane Society popped in again today. This time, she brought in a high-enrgy fellow named Spud. He’s got a little bit of pit in him. Also has a longer snout and legs, so maybe some shepard? He’s just five months old so still full of energy. He (and many other pets of all shapes and sizes) is adoptable through the Humane Society. He was pretty quick and Newsboy did his best to catch him on film:

And don’t forget, the “Dog or Cat Person” poll is still up over there —>

This is the second telemarketing call I’ve received in the past few weeks, and the second call from the Calgary Herald’s phone centre since I came on air.

Herald Weed

It had been awhile since I’d received a telemarketers call on the show, and then we got this one. Basically I answered the phone and a computer recording told me I’d won a cruise, and if I wanted to claim it, press 9. I did, and this is what I got:

Cruise Telemarketer

EVERYDAY URGES YOU SHOULD SUPPRESS (Men’s Health)

• Buying all the equipment after two lessons: Holster that credit card until you’re certain the novelty of fly-fishing, snowboarding, or competitive bird-watching won’t wear off.
• Being overpolite: Social pleasantries should be dispensed with grace. Saying “bless you” after each of nine successive sneezes makes you an automaton, not a gentleman.
• Writing a love poem in the first 3 weeks of dating… and not keeping it to yourself: Her hair might indeed remind you of the first new morning rays of sun. But those rays may fade, and there’s no reason to leave a paper trail.
• Finding exact change: Picking through your pocket lint for 11 cents isn’t helping the barista churn through the morning rush any faster. Do everyone a favor and stockpile your coinage at home. Trade it for cash once a year, then treat your girl to a dinner you otherwise couldn’t afford.
• Marking an e-mail “high priority”: Just because Bill Gates dreamed up a button doesn’t mean you should press it. Pick up the phone.
• Yelling out a song request: Sorry, but the lead singer is only paying attention to the braless blonde in the front row. Channel all that energy into clapping, Casey Kasem.
• Talking between bathroom stalls: No matter is so pressing that it needs to be discussed with your pants down.
• Screaming at the customer-service rep: Actually, check that: Go ahead and scream. Just make sure there’s a method to your madness. You’re mad at the company, and you’re this close to taking your business elsewhere.
• Overpronouncing foreign words: Granted, you spent a magical week in Baja, but that doesn’t give you license to pronounce “ Guadalajara” like you’re clearing hair from your throat. There’s a middle ground between butchering a word and being the pompous protector of its linguistic sanctity. Find it. (We’re talking to you, Giada De Laurentiis.)
• Sending an angry e-mail: Along with drunk-dialing your ex and drinking appletinis, this one fits in the category of things you will always, without fail, regret. Here’s a rule of thumb: The more bridges you’ll burn, the longer you should let that e-mail smolder in your drafts folder.
• Performing the chest bump: Sporting celebration should be proportional to the peril faced in the pursuit of victory. If your game involves an underhand toss, midgame brews, or Velcro-backed flags, dial it down, champ.
• Oversanitizing: Washing your hands carefully after going to the bathroom: normal. Reaching for the bottle of Purell each time you exit a taxi: compulsive.
• Obsessing over your fantasy team: If you’re really that into a sport, play coach in a way that actually matters: Teach a kid to love the nuances of the game as much as you do.

THE LANGUAGE OF BREAKING UP (Glamour)

• Booty Haul: The act of retrieving your stuff from your partner’s apartment a few days before dumping him/her; because you know it will make you look petty to ask for it after breaking his/her hear.
• Breakover: A post-breakup makeover. Join a gym. Get a haircut or a hot new wardrobe. It’s revenge that benefits you, rather than directly harming your ex, bodily or otherwise.
• Bunny Boiler: A clingy, overbearing, vindictive, possessive, obsessive, unhinged ex, named for Glenn Close’s Fatal Attraction character, who cooks her ex-lover’s daughter’s pet rabbit.
• Command-Z: As in “Undo! Undo!” All the impulsive stuff that you say in the heat of a breakup and immediately wish you could take back.
• Endship: The imaginary friendship that is insincerely wished for — as in, “I really hope we can still be friends” — by the dumper. However, two and a half seconds after they’ve left you in a puddle on the floor, they start erasing your digits from their phone.
• Groundhog Dump: When ending a relationship is dragged out over days or weeks, forcing you to relive the breakup again and again.
• Leg-clinger: A dumpee who cries, begs and pleads with you to reconsider and take them back. Be sympathetic — we’ve all been there.

Well, I was on vacation for the last week of August, and apparently I was missed.

Labour Day Stalker Call

And this week, she found out about our X92.9 Hockey Team

Stalker Puck Bunny

Curb Your Enthusiasm is the best show on television. And if you’re in Calgary, you have to wait many months after it originally airs to see this Emmy-award winning HBO series. The sixth season debuted on The Movie Network in Ontario and HBO in the U.S. this past Sunday night. Movie Central here in alberta doesn’t carry it. I sent an e-mail to them and got a pretty generic reply offering various excuses, but it’s not good enough. If Shaw/Corus/Movie Central claims to care about quality programming as they claimed in a recent newspaper ad, then they’ll carry this show. Here’s a link where you can write to them and tell them they should carry it. If enough people ask for it they’ll get it. 

Write to them here:

I want Curb Your Enthusiasm on Movie Central!  

THINGS A MAN SHOULD NEVER DO AFTER 30 (Esquire)

• Coin his own nickname.
• Use a wallet that is fastened with Velcro.
• Rank his friends in order of best, second best, and so on.
• Hacky sack.
• Name his “unit” his name plus junior.
• Hang art with tape.
• Ask a policeman, “You ever shoot anybody with that thing?”
• Ask a woman, “Hey, you got a license for that ass?”
• Take a camera to a nude beach.
• Let his father do his taxes.
• Tap on the glass.
• Shout out a response to “Are you ready to rock?”
• Use the word “collated” on his resume.
• Hold a weekly house meeting with roommates.
• Name pets after Middle Earth characters.
• Jokingly flash gang signs while posing for wedding photos.
• Hug amusement-park characters.
• Wear Disney-themed neckties.
• Choose 69 as his jersey number.
• Eat Oreo cookies in stages.
• Propose via stadium Jumbotron.
• Decide anything based on the ruminations of Howard Stern.
• Call “shotgun” before getting in a car.
• Buy a novelty postcard in another country of topless women on a beach and write “Wish you were here” on it.
• Keg stands.
• Put less than ten dollars’ worth of gas in the tank.

This afternoon between 4-5 we’re going to have a sexual health advocate come on the show and let us pick her brain. If you need some advice, feel free to leave your questions here. It’s anonymous, if you choose.

With the first appearance of Cheryl from the Calgary Humane Society, I thought I’d ask you whether you are a dog or cat person. I love all types of animals, but have a really soft spot for dogs. I contemplating opening it up to a wider variety of animals, but for now, it’s between the two. Look over there to the column on the right —>

Now scroll down to the poll, and vote wisely.

And tune in Thursday at 2:30 when we’ll have another visitor.