Things a Grown Man Should Never Have

Edumacation, Funny, My Life 1 Comment »
  • blackeye.jpgA black eye: Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your eyes should remain unblemished.
  • A witty e-mail signature: Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively.
  • An empty refrigerator: Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her.
  • PlayStation thumb: When they’re relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to button-shaped bruises, you’re missing out on life.
  • A key chain with a bottle opener: This is both a reminder of your college days and proof that you don’t know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers.
  • A lucky shirt: Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works, the luckier he’ll be.
  • An unstamped passport.
  • Olympic dreams: Exceptions: curling and archery.
  • Less than $20 in his wallet: A real man should always carry around a business card and enough money to pick up coffee, bagels and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
  • Any beer that cost less than $20 a case: An no exception for the grand slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
  • The need to quote The Big Lebowski/Caddyshack/Superbad: Reciting someone else’s lines reminds people that you haven’t the wit to write your own.
  • A futon: Such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, “Take me to your futon.”
  • Code words for ugly women: Actually, code words for anything.
  • A Nerf hoop in his living room: Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else’s office.
  • A secret handshake.
  • Drinking glasses with logos: Especially those kitschy McDonalds Hamburglar ones.
  • A recent story with the phrase “So I said to the cop…”
  • Alanna Clarke

    Audio, Interview, Music, Rock Report No Comments »

    All this week I was a judge for the annual Breakfast Television Spotlight on CityTV. It’s a talent contest for 6-16 year olds. The talent all week was pretty solid, but one performer really shone, and she ended up winning the contest. Alanna Clarke is a singer/songwriter from just outside of Cochrane, and I had her on the Rock Report for a chat and to play her song Bedroom Window.  Here’s the audio:

    Alanna Clarke Interview and Songallanaclarke1.JPG

    Chaplin the Dog

    Pets No Comments »

    Meet Chaplin. He was by the station earlier today. He’s an older fellow (around 10) with a mellow disposition. Really likes to be with people and being petted. He’s a Bullmastiff mix…though slightly smaller in stature than a typical Bullmastiff. You can check him and all sorts of other great pets at The Calgary Humane Society.


    Archie Comics meet Pulp and Sex Pistols

    Cool, Music, Strange, Video 1 Comment »

    The Archies are still hanging around pop culture after all these years. First it was their stirring performance of a Sex Pistols classic:

    and Pulp:

    Bathroom Break

    Audio, Funny, My Life 2 Comments »

    toilet.jpgI don’t spend a ton of time on my show talking about doing a sit-down, but for some reason it came up twice on this past week’s shows. Once was about trying the all-new $275,000 public toilet at 17th Ave and 7th:

    Public Toilet

    …and the other time was a debate with Greg Beharrell about having a coffee while doing my business:

    Coffee on the Can

    I’ve decided to make a poll about having a warm beverage whilst doing your business. It’s over there –>

    Josh’s Sexytime Ringtone

    Audio, Cool, Funny, My Life 1 Comment »

    cellchic.jpgThere’s a company that will soon offer ringtones featuring moans of famous porn performers. Here’s how the discussion on my show progressed:

    Ringtone Part One

    Ringtone Part Two

    Ringtone Part Three

    And the ringtone, a gift to you:


    What the Lynch?

    Audio, Funny, My Life, Strange No Comments »

    lynch.jpgLynch loves to talk about me and my show on his show, although has trouble distinguishing between busting balls and personal attacks. Here’s a good example:

    Lynch on Josh Audio

    Zane the Dog

    Pets No Comments »

    zanedog.bmpThis week Cheryl from The Calgary Humane Society stopped in with a really lovely fellow named Zane. Zane is a Border Collie mix, with what might be some Springer Spaniel in him. He’s a really gregarious affectionate guy.

    Stalker in Starbucks

    Audio, Phonecall, Stalker, Strange 2 Comments »

    biggestfan.jpgMy “biggest fan” calls in when Candice is filling in for Newsboy. She seems jealpus, but there are other issues:

    March 18 Biggest Fan Audio

    Josh’s Sexy Ringtone

    Audio, Cool, My Life, Strange 4 Comments »

    cellchic.jpgThere’s a company that will soon offer ringtones featuring moans of famous porn performers. We didn’t have any male ones, so I made one you can use for your phone. I’m not really a loud guy in bed, so it’s a little exaggerated.


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