Greg (evening/weekend guy on X92.9) is an odd guy. He is obsessed with finding a girl. It often interferes with him acting in a regular manner. He was put in the friend zone several months ago by a girl he likes, and she seems to enjoy the attention he gives her, and at the same time he thinks he might escape the friend zone. To that end, he makes himself constantly available (night or day) to chat with her on the phone, at the expense of common manners. They’ve never met. My thought on the cell phone is that we’ve become too obsessed and too available. My thought on girls is that the more available you are, the less attractive. If you are hanging out with a friend, and your phone rings, let it go to the machine. You can check the message, and if it’s an emergency, call back. If not, call later when you’re home. If you really need to answer it, quickly say “I’m busy now” or whatever, and ask if you can call later. Pretty simple! But not for Greg. Listen:

Greg can’t hang up 

The National Post’s Rebecca Tucker recently presented a few trends that need to go:

A fashion-forward friend once quipped, “When I see someone wearing Crocs, I immediately know we have nothing in common,” so it comes as no surprise that news of Toronto’s first-ever Crocs emporium, set to open up on Toronto’s über-trendy Queen West stretch, doesn’t exactly have local fashionistas over the moon with excitement. But style snobs, take heed: This won’t be the first time a not-so-attractive piece of apparel has risen to inexplicably ubiquitous popularity, but has failed to withstand the test of time (as Crocs presumably — or hopefully — will). Here then is a roundup of recent, terrible trends that have since faded into oblivion — or your local Value Village.

Cargo pants
Thanks largely to baggy-clothing champions Limp Bizkit, Korn and their fellow rap-rockers, cargo pants were de rigeur in the late ’90s and early part of this decade. Characterized by pockets aplenty and enough slack in each pant leg to accommodate a second wearer, cargo pants remain practical for military personnel and those on safari, but since the advent of the skinny jean, they are no longer acceptable in the mainstream.

Modrobes
Toronto-based clothier Modrobes, with their rainbow-hued, wide-legged, raver-friendly polyester pants, rose to popularity around the same time as cargo pants. Like Crocs, their foray into fashion fame facilitated the opening of a Modrobes boutique on — you guessed it — Queen West. The store closed in 2006, and after a decade-long run, the Modrobes brand no longer exists anywhere but thrift-store clothing racks.

Frosted Tips
The popularity of this hair-colouring trend coincided with the rise and fall of studio-manufactured boy bands such as N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys. Sported largely by men, this hairstyle involved the meticulous spiking of one’s hair, either preceded by a bleach-blond dye-job mimicking overgrown roots, or the application of specialized, coloured “spiking gel” to the hair’s outermost inch.

Trucker Hats
Many thanks to Ashton Kutcher for this one. The trucker hat was popular for such a brief time — between 2001 and 2003 — that the sheer volume and variety available was nothing short of astounding. The mesh-backed, stiff-brimmed caps were most often worn by men, most often adorned with beer logos and were most often spotted at gatherings wherein other men were addressed as “guy.”

One of my sisters was in town from Ontario for a visit. I was tied up on a Friday night with a hockey tourney, so Greg (X92.9 evening/weekend guy) volunteered to take her out downtown. The next day, I found out that she was out ’til 4 in the morning and Greg had taken her back to his lair and gone in for the kiss. Is it breaking guy code to make the moves on one of your best friends’ sister? Take the poll over there –>

And listen to the on-air confrontation here:

Sister Kissing Audio

Calgary has a Panhandler epidemic. And it’s getting worse, because people are giving money to these people. DON’T GIVE MONEY TO PANHANDLERS! By doing so you become part of the problem, not the solution. Listen:

Stop Panhandling

So I recently met this youngish girl. In that transitional phase between high school and university. Pretty girl. She likes to shop, and likes the nicer stuff. Here’s the problem. When you’re at that stage in life, your income doesn’t match your expensive tastes. What to do? Well, look forward to a time when you’ll have an income that matches your tastes. Perservere. Improvise. Find your own style that doesn’t cost a ton. Realize that labels are kinda useless. Or…become a prostitute. Sort of. Find a guy a little bit older, with some money, who will buy you all the nice things you want, and let you live the lifestyle you want in exchange for being his “girlfriend.” Money (gifts, nice things) for sex (girlfriend thing) = prostitution.

Calgary is a wealthy city, and this isn’t an isolated incident. It’s not just women who are to blame. You see these guys cruising 17th in their fancy cars (Lambos, Porsches, Escalades, H2s) with bad dance music blaring, oversize sunglasses on. All the money in a world can’t buy a personality. Lots of wealthy guys are bankrupt when it comes to intellect or personality. But there are plenty of women who eat this shit up. Instead of asking what you’re reading, they ask what you’re driving. Instead of asking what you think about, they ask what you make (about.)

This is not to say that there aren’t wealthy guys who aren’t douchebags. In my circle of friends, there are some people that make a really good living. But none of us flaunt it, or use it to get ahead socially. It’s secondary to personality and being human.

Is it just me?

Click for the audio

A couple of weeks back at Virgin Fest, I did a long interview with Stars. They spent quite a bit of time detailing their dislike of having to rely on Air Canada. They related a slogan one of their friends had come up with: Air Canada, we’re not happy ’til you’re not happy.

It was amusing, though I figured airline travel in general can be a pain. Last week I travelled to Toronto for my vacation. I flew Air Canada. On the way there, the flight was 10 minutes early. Early! On the way back though, not so much. The flight was scheduled to depart Toronto at 8:40PM. I was there in the lounge about an hour before this time. At about 8:15 after all the passengers from the incoming flight had deplaned, a voice came over the intercom saying that there would be a delay because they had to replace a part in the cockpit, and they had to go retrieve it from the hangar. Half hour later, the part is the wrong fit, and they’re going to find another plane for us. It’s another arriving plane. We’re told to move to the new gate, and then we wait for the plane to arrive, and the incoming passengers to de-plane. Just before we board the new plane, we’re told that the seatback entertainment units in the plane are not functional, and that “maybe” we’ll get some extra Aeroplan miles when we get to Calgary. We board the plane, taxi out, and then wait on the tarmac…for another 40 minutes or so. Because we had changed aircrafts, they needed to get the load information to the new plane and put it in the computers. The flight ended up arriving into Calgary about two hours late. And there was nobody at the gate offering any sort of Aeroplan miles…not that I even collect!

The irony is that the seat I had both ways was front, centre of the economy class…one of only two seats on the aircraft that doesn’t have in-seat units (because there are just two Exec class seats in front). These seats cost me full fare, and no Aeroplan miles. I don’t collect them. How about this: “sorry for your inconvenience, here’s a credit for future travel on our airline.” Maybe next time. Any airline horro stories? Do share. 

Last week, British social etiquette advisor Debrett’s issued five “golden rules” for using Facebook. Here are their rules:

1. You don’t have to make friends with people you don’t know. Think before you poke.

2. Wait 24 hours before accepting or removing someone as a friend. The delay will help you gather your thoughts.

3. Birthdays, engagements and weddings are not “virtual” events. Always send cards or phone friends when there is an important event.

4. Think before posting a friend’s photo what you would feel like if it was you.

5. Think carefully about your profile picture. Would you want it to be appearing in your local newspaper?

And, now I present MY rules for Facebook:

Applications. No more than 15 applications! And if you add one, don’t invite every single person on your friends list. I don’t don’t give a sh!t what type of cat I am. The reason MySpace died is partly because there was so much junk on people’s pages that it took forever to load.

Profile Pics. No shirtless pics. Automatic douche. Unless it’s unflattering and/or ironic. If you’re in a couple, this doesn’t mean your profile is shared…you’re still individuals. Profile pics as a couple: ultra-lame. Celebrate your independance! Also, as with any picture, flashing any kind of hand sign (devil horns, the finger, etc.) is tres lame. 

Status Updates. No more than 3 a day. Max! Too many people change them on a second-to-second basis. “Emma is eating candy corn.” 3 minutes later: “Emma enjoyed the candy corn.” 10 minutes later: “Emma feels sick to her stomach.” Also, if you have a gripe with one specific person…email them or write on their specific wall. “Caitlin thinks you are a total bitch” makes no sense to anybody but one person on your friends list. Grammar counts. No “is is.” No “is wants to hang out tonight.”

Tagging. Use your discretion when tagging. If I look terrible in a pic (most of the time) leave the tagging up to me.

Poking. If someone doesn’t return your poke, if you have to try again, wait a week. Poking is like flirting. I always find it a little strange getting poked by guy friends.

That’s it for now, but let’s make this list fluid. Disagree? Post your comments. Add your rules in the comments. Here’s some audio:

The Facebook Rules

Callers

Relationship Status

Newsweek Magazine offered an article on The Nine Most Obnoxious Habits of Gym Rats. Highlights:

1. The Sauna Stovetop A manager at a New York Sports Club was walking through the women’s locker room a few years ago when she smelled cheese. Puzzled, she opened the door to the sauna, where a woman had placed bread and cheese on the hot rocks to make a postworkout grilled cheese sandwich. “Not only was it a health code violation, it was not really respectful to the other people in the sauna,” says NYSC PR director Linda Hufcut. “She said, ‘I do this all the time.’ That was, obviously, the last time she ever did it.’”

2. Nude Fitness? A couple of visitors to a Gold’s Gym in Paramus, N.J., decided to get naked and weigh themselves before they started working out. The two men didn’t seem daunted by the fact that the scale was outside the locker room. They hung out by the scale, in full view of the other, clothed patrons, until a manager asked them to put some clothes on. They told Mike Epstein, the gym’s owner, that they did that sort of thing all the time at their home gym. Perhaps they meant “home gym” as in the one in their basement.

3. Creative Blow-Drying A man in a California Crunch gym decided that the best way to dry out his sweaty shoes was to stick a hair dryer in each of them while he took his after-workout shower. He was shocked when managers asked him to cease and desist. “He said, ‘I didn’t even realize I shouldn’t be doing this’,” says Keith Worts, chief operating officer of Crunch, a national fitness chain.

4. Downward Dog? At another Crunch location a man had a habit of taking a yoga class while wearing shorts without underwear. He was more than happy to correct his faux pas as soon as managers made him aware that other members were uncomfortable with the view they were getting.

5. Work Out, Sleep In Some people get a little too relaxed at the gym. Gold’s Gym managers have reported finding customers who fell asleep in the tanning facility and didn’t wake up until the gym was closed, as well as customers who fell asleep on the bench press in between sets.

6. Killer Karaoke It’s common and profoundly annoying: gymgoers get carried away listening to their music players. Before they know it they’ve treated everyone in the room to an off-key rendition of “…Baby One More Time.” “I call it karaoke gone bad, because there is no background music and they’re singing at the top of their lungs,” says Harry Reo, a regional vice president for 24 Hour Fitness.

7. Talking (Too Much of) the Talk Fed up with people gabbing on their cell phones as they used the elliptical, many gyms have banned cell phones around workout equipment and designated areas for patrons to make calls. Still, people forget. “There’s nothing worse than running on the treadmill and having someone next to you conducting an extremely loud conversation,” says Hufcut, who’s seen some people use walkie-talkies while on the treadmill.

8. Sweat Sins It seems basic, but enough people forget to wipe down their equipment after using it that this was one of the four deadly gym sins included on an informational video NYSC taped a few years ago. During the segment a careless gymgoer didn’t dry off his machine; when he stood up, the entire machine was covered in dripping goo.

9. Scrimmage to Scuffle It’s only logical that testosterone can run high at the gym, and sometimes managers need to break up altercations on the basketball court, says Nancy Pattee Francini, co-founder and president of the Sports Club/LA, which has 10 locations around the country. “Those guys, when they’re playing basketball, can get into fights,” she says. “They’re not terrible fights—we’re a high-end club.”

Your calls on the matter

I was in a fast food joint over the weekend and my ears were assaulted by the sounds of the Calgary radio station geared towards teenage girls. The scary thing is, I’ve actually heard this music/station in mens’ cars. These men should go to a vet and get neutered. The station also gives out stickers. Got one on your car? You’re advertising your bad taste in music. Here’s the discussion, including a montage of terrible music. (Please be warned that if you have any kind of taste in music, the sounds might hurt your ears):

Bad Music on the Radio

Today we opened the phones for more of your beefs, that ran the gamut from spitting, to tossing butts out the window, to people not letting you in when you’re driving. Listen here:

 Beefs May 13

…and feel free to add your beefs.