Greg (evening/weekend guy on X92.9) is an odd guy. He is obsessed with finding a girl. It often interferes with him acting in a regular manner. He was put in the friend zone several months ago by a girl he likes, and she seems to enjoy the attention he gives her, and at the same time he thinks he might escape the friend zone. To that end, he makes himself constantly available (night or day) to chat with her on the phone, at the expense of common manners. They’ve never met. My thought on the cell phone is that we’ve become too obsessed and too available. My thought on girls is that the more available you are, the less attractive. If you are hanging out with a friend, and your phone rings, let it go to the machine. You can check the message, and if it’s an emergency, call back. If not, call later when you’re home. If you really need to answer it, quickly say “I’m busy now” or whatever, and ask if you can call later. Pretty simple! But not for Greg. Listen:
Sep 13
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September 13th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Greg, Greg.
Greg.
I know we don’t really know each other, but I feel it is my duty to help you through this crisis and counsel you on this obvious oversight you have made.
First, let me say that I empathise with your plight. Like most men, you believe that by persistence and making yourself “uber available” you can move from the “friend zone” to the “father of my future children” zone. Please understand that once I have put you in the friend zone all you have done is actually become one of my girlfriends with a guys perspective. Your chances of coming out of the friend zone with this behaviour I am sorry to say, are nil.
Girls like attention, Greg. From the time we were wee and our Mums dressed us up in pretty frocks and pigtails we learned that attention feels GOOD. Now, the attention we get from our girl friends is integral in how we perceive ourselves. But the attention we get from boys is imperative. It’s how we measure our worth.
See, every girl loves the attention of a boy, but especially when we don’t have to work for it. Having boys around who we don’t have to impress gives us the best of both worlds. I can call you any time or day or night, have you drop everything to engage me without giving anything but the “amazingness” of me in return! I am powerful!! I am WOMAN!!!
Don’t hate us Greg, it’s not our fault. It’s programmed into our base code. Don’t believe me? Note the facts: as girls we are counselled to routinely use the strategy of unavailability to pique interest in our prey. It’s our way of testing your intent. We work harder if we can’t secure it easily. We feel victorious when we succeed in making YOU come to US. You have confirmed your desire, often despite your own resolve.
This ease in which you give yourself is counteractive. Every phone call that you answer is a nail in the coffin of your goal. Somewhere, deep down in the crevasses of her psyche (no matter how sweet she is) this girl is thinking how lucky she is to be desired by a man she doesn’t even want! You listen! You care! You want her despite her lack of want for you!
Try my theory and see. Next time-don’t answer. Eventually be reached casually mention you were with a friend. Don’t mention said friends’ sex. When you do talk to her, express the same interest, the same involvement. Give her your fill attention. Confirm why you are desirable prey. Then become “unavailable” again.
Soon, she will be pursuing you. I’m not going to say this interest will be true-most likely if she’s really not into you sexually, she never will be. But you will find that she will call you more often, looking for you, asking why you were unavailable, and trying to find out who her “competition” is. She may even express interest in YOUR desires.
This is not a game-it’s a simple mating strategy. Check out a Desmond Morris documentary, browse through any Harlequin Romance. Better yet, corner a friend of the opposite sex who has trouble lying, and they will admit it to you.
Of course, there are anomalies. Some of us over time have evolved. We have learned to control this behaviour, especially as we get older and are more confident in our womanhood and desirability. For the rest of us-be forgiving. We can’t help it.
Josh says: So well said, and so true! Thanks for a perspective from the other side.
September 13th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
So very well put I don’t even know what to say. Makes me sort of asshamed to be a girl. No, wait, it makes me happy i’m not a dumb boy.
September 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Greg, man you will be more able to escape the friend zone if you are less available, If you really think she values your availability this much maybe it would be best to mke her work for it a little more. She wont buy the cow if shes getting the milk for free.
September 14th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
ah so very true,