Mar 30
A black eye: Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your eyes should remain unblemished.
A witty e-mail signature: Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively.
An empty refrigerator: Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her.
PlayStation thumb: When they’re relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to button-shaped bruises, you’re missing out on life.
A key chain with a bottle opener: This is both a reminder of your college days and proof that you don’t know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers.
A lucky shirt: Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works, the luckier he’ll be.
An unstamped passport.
Olympic dreams: Exceptions: curling and archery.
Less than $20 in his wallet: A real man should always carry around a business card and enough money to pick up coffee, bagels and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
Any beer that cost less than $20 a case: An no exception for the grand slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
The need to quote The Big Lebowski/Caddyshack/Superbad: Reciting someone else’s lines reminds people that you haven’t the wit to write your own.
A futon: Such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, “Take me to your futon.”
Code words for ugly women: Actually, code words for anything.
A Nerf hoop in his living room: Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else’s office.
A secret handshake.
Drinking glasses with logos: Especially those kitschy McDonalds Hamburglar ones.
A recent story with the phrase “So I said to the cop…”
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March 31st, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I agree wholeheartedly! Although, may I add a couple of things a real man SHOULD have?
A real man should never be without wine and chocolate. Neither has to be expensive, it’s not about being impressive, it’s about being prepared. You never know when you may need to charm a shy or Reluctant girl such as myself into some naughty behaviour.
A real man should have a book or two in his bookcase. Not saying you’ve got to read Thoreau, but you have to have interest in something (and yes sports books and comics count) and I’d like to see what that is. Remember: if you got me up to your place, it’s because I’m interested in knowing you, not just passing time with you.
And, finally;
A real man should have at least a couple of decent towels and a good set of sheets. These items are no longer expensive and even available at your local grocery. Or ask your mother. Or your sister. Nothing a real girl (you know, the ones you keep around?) likes better than high quality cotton on bare skin.
Now boys, before you doubt my counsel, imagine this:
One evening, after the appropriate amount of dates, I decide that I will perhaps come up for a bit, but I promise myself that I’m going to be good. As I browse your DVD and music collection while sipping my wine (noting gleefully that you have vinyl!!!) you coyly offer me a yummy piece of good chocolate.
I take a trip to the loo to wash my hands before our dinner and note that not only is your bathroom clean (and I don’t mean spotless, just clean) but you have soft fluffy towels. (Not that I would be showering at your place, but it’s good to know if I DID ever need to, I could…)
Then, later, as you invite me to your room under the guise of seeing your grade school hockey mvp trophy (yes, I do want to see it!) and I sit on the corner of the bed I realize you have the smoothest, softest, cotton beddings.
Hmm.
By this point, my senses are reeling and the likelihood of you getting me to be naked on those sheets is very high. Why? Because you pay attention to the details. You’re not perfect (and hell, I don’t want you to be, I want a real man, remember) but the little things matter to you, which likely means that you won’t overlook them later on, if you know what I mean.
And so, even if it’s just that one night ( and even though I really shouldn’t…) I will submit.
(disclaimer: I am a Taurus, thus a sensualiste and perhaps a little caught up in texture and detail. But I think most girls after a certain age are refined -and gullible!- enough to appreciate these things…)