You could say that Jer Wayne Junior and Turleen are Barbie’s embarrassing cousins. Turleen comes barefoot and pregnant with her hair in curlersand a cigarette in her mouth. Squeeze her belly and she’ll tell you “Pour me a double. I’m drinking fer two” and “Bubba Jr. get off yer sister!” Jer Wayne Junior sports all the redneck essentials like a mullet, missing teeth, NASCAR tattoo, cigarette, dirty tanktop and a beer in hand. Press his chest and he’ll fart and whisper sweet nothings like “Fifteen of them beers and yer still ugly” and “Honest, I’m not lying through my tooth.” The dolls sell for $33 and come in a patriotic red, white and blue window display box.

• Snake Massage: A spa in Israel has put a unique spin on the standard massage. While some masseuses use soothing music or scented candles to supplement massages, owner Ida Barak prefers to use snakes; she believes that they have a calming effect and can alleviate joint pain. Imagine — lying facedown on a bed, strong hands rubbing oil on your back as a few snakes slither up and down your body. What could be more relaxing? Try anything.
• Geisha Facial: At the Shizuka Day Spa in New York, they use (according to the Web site) “traditional and natural Japanese ingredients” to make skin vibrant and soft. Traditional and natural sounds so purifying… until you realize that the treatment includes nightingale excrement. The treatment, uguisu no fun, incorporates powdered (and sanitized) nightingale feces into a facial mixture that revitalizes skin.
• Aberdeen Organic Bull Sperm Treatment: If you don’t have an aversion to sperm in your tresses, go to Hari’s Salon in London and get their infamous treatment. The protein in this ingredient moisturizes, brightens, and repairs your hair like nothing else. It’s combined with Katera root, another protein powerhouse that does amazing things for hair.
• Fish Reflexology: Customer at Singapore’s Sentosa spa can sit in a bath while tiny Turkish spa fish (also called doctor fish) swim around and eat the dead skin off your feet. After the fish nibble, you’re left with softer, healthier feet.
• Bathe in Your Favorite Beverage: At the Hakone Kowakien Yunessun spa in Japan, you can soak in a big pool of red wine. If alcohol’s not your thing, how about green tea, coffee, or sake? Each liquid offers therapeutic benefits for the skin — for example, green tea contains immune-boosting antioxidants, and red wine has skin-restorative properties.
• Chocolate Fondue Wrap: Going to a spa is an indulgent act already, so why not step it up a notch and indulge your sweet tooth, too? The spa in the Hotel Hershey (possibly the most delicious-sounding hotel ever) offers a plethora of cocoa-infused treatments designed to both soothe you and make you really hungry.
• Corona Beer Face Lift: If you love Coronas, but hate the subsequent bloat, head to the Esperanza Resort Spa in Mexico and experience the healing power of beer for a change. The beer treatment is supposed to clear your pores, tighten your skin, and give your face a fresh “glow” — quite different from the glow you get after drinking a couple of Coronas.
• The “Other” Face Lift: It’s not enough that we have to worry about how toned our legs or arms are. According to Phit, a spa in New York dedicated to pelvic health, women should also be mindful of our their genital area muscle tone. The clinic offers pelvic services for mothers who’ve recently given birth, women with bladder control issues, and those who are dedicated to fitness on all levels. The Web site claims that the “Other” Face Lift, which is geared toward older women worried about wrinkling or sagging in that area, can “restore labial and vulvar contour to a plump firmness” with a process involving lasers.
• The Fanny Facial: The Smooth Synergy Day Spa in New York offers the Fanny Facial, a process involving exfoliation, microcurrent therapy, and a spray tan for your booty. The microcurrent therapy helps reduce the appearance of cellulite and tones your backside, and the spray tan enhances the tone.

Courtesy of Consumerist.com

I had a story about a guy who got spanked in Arkansas, and somehow it evolved into me getting spanked on the butt by Candice (from The Show) as I stood on top of the mixing board with my shorts around my ankles. There were eyewitnesses, but no photo evidence. Listen here:

Josh gets a spanking audio

Who is Dimitri the Lover? Well, the voicemails were pretty famous. I dug a little deeper, and this is a creepster in Toronto who lost his medical license for inappropriate behaviour with female patients. He now has his own seduction website!

The voicemail story goes that a girl named Olga met a guy named Dimitri somewhere public. They talked very briefly, and she gave Dimitri her card and said “give me a call.” The following are purportedly two voicemail messages he left for her following their brief meeting. Listen here:

Dimitri Voicemail 1

Dimitri Voicemail 2

As previously discussed, Greg Beharrell is a pretty strange fellow who cherishes girls above all else. Sometimes Greg’s “do anything to make a girl happy” attitude perplexes the rest of us. This time around, the ardent non-smoker, non-drinker tells us he’d let a girl smoke in his home, though only a girl he’s interested in…no guy friends. Listen to the chat here:

Greg worships girls audio

Greg is a Weird Dude. Last week Greg Beharrell (X92.9 Evening/Weekend Guy) and I ate on a patio, and he was complaining about the sun. It turns out, he doesn’t like the sun, or daytime activities at all. Listen to his explanation here:

Greg Hates the Sun

THE WORST WAYS TO GET DRUNK (Consumerist.com)

• Tharra: This spirit native to India boasts a 90% alcohol content and is made by fermenting the mash of sugar cane pulp in ceramic containers. One unfortunate characteristic of the stuff is if you let it sit long enough it turns toxic. Tharra kills hundreds of people per year.
• Russian Aftershave: Many poor Russians have turned to “surrogate” alcohol, which is basically any product with a high alcohol content. Russian aftershaves are a popular item since some have a 97% alcohol content.
• Thunderbird: It is a “fortified wine” and typically contains 17.5% alcohol. Thunderbird was introduced by Ernest and Julio Gallo Winery after the end of prohibition. It was marketed to low income drinkers in America. Despite its yellow color, Thunderbird turns your lips and tongue black when consumed in large quantities.
• Pruno: Pruno is a famous jailhouse drink which is typically made from different available fruits, sugar, ketchup, and bread for its yeast. Basically the ingredients are put into a Ziploc bag, heated occasionally, strained and served. It is legendary for its foul taste.
• Changaa: Changaa is an illegal drink which is popular in Kenya. It is a libation made from distilled grains such as maize and sorghum. Changaa is usually controlled by the criminal gangs who often spike batches with jet fuel, battery acid or formalin. Obviously, this stuff kills many people every year.

Dogs are used for leading the blind, therapy, drug-sniffing, and all sorts of other helpful jobs. But dogs can rock apparently. I came across a band called Caninus, fronted by two pitbulls. And a band called Hatebeak, whose lead singer is a 15-year old parrot. We listen to some audio clips and chat about the phenomenon here:

Singing Dogs n Birds

Well, after last week’s “biggest fan” call I was kind of worried. She seemed to be in a dark place and was pretty salty with the language. This week everything seems back to, ummm…normal? Listen:

 Stalker June 2

We all know by now that Greg Beharrell, who does evenings and weekends on X92.9, is a super-odd guy. Today he told us why bicycles are stupid, especially when it’s men riding them. Here’s the audio:

 Greg is a Weird Dude - Bikes

(and this is a pic of my sweetass lady)