SKILLS EVERY MAN MUST MASTER: Part 2 (Esquire)

• Shuffle a deck of cards: Guys who can’t shuffle lose. Always.
• Know when to split his cards in blackjack: Aces. Eights. Always.
• Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. Use his first name. Don’t use baby talk. Don’t crank up your energy to match his. Ask questions and wait for answers. Follow up.
• Speak to a waiter so he will hear: You don’t own the restaurant, so don’t act like it. You own the transaction. So don’t speak into the menu. Lift your chin. Make eye contact. All restaurants have secrets — let it be known that you expect to see some of them.
• Talk to a dog so it will hear: Go ahead, use baby talk.
• Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
• Ask for help: Guys who refuse to ask for help are the most cursed men of all. The stubborn, the self-possessed, and the distant. The hell with them.
• Tell a woman’s dress size.
• Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
• Fry an egg sunny-side up. Cook until the white appears solid… and no longer.
• Break up a fight. Work in pairs if possible. Don’t get between people initially. Use the back of the collar, pull and urge the person downward. If you can’t get him down, work for distance.
• Point to the north at any time: If you have a watch, you can point the hour hand at the sun. Then find the point directly between the hour hand and the 12. That’s south. The opposite direction is, of course, north.
• Avoid boredom. You have enough to eat. You can move. This must be acknowledged as a kind of freedom. You don’t always have to buy things, put things in your mouth, or be delighted.
• Be brand loyal to at least one product. It tells a lot about who you are and where you came from.
• Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably: If you can’t, play more ball.
• Shake hands. Steady, firm, pump, let go. Use the time to make eye contact, since that’s where the social contract begins.
• Stock an emergency bag for the car: Blanket. Heavy flashlight. Hand warmers. Six bottles of water. Six packs of beef jerky. Atlas. Reflectors. Gloves. Socks. Bandages. Neosporin. Inhaler. Benadryl. Motrin. Hard candy. Telescoping magnet. Screwdriver. Channel-locks. Crescent wrench. Ski hat. Bandanna.
• Caress a woman’s neck. Back of your fingers, in a slow fan.

Today we opened the phones for more of your beefs, that ran the gamut from spitting, to tossing butts out the window, to people not letting you in when you’re driving. Listen here:

 Beefs May 13

…and feel free to add your beefs.