I was talking to a girl last night, and she told me she was headed out to a pub with a guy. She said it wasn’t a date, and that she was single. Now here’s where it gets interesting. The guy had sent her a dozen red roses at work that day, and she sleeps with him regularly. Why? Well, apparently he does quite well for himself, buys lots of stuff for her and treats her well. I’m guessing he thinks they are in a relationship. She’s early twenties, he’s mid thirties. Basically she’s sleeping with this guy for the monetary perks. Is she a prostitute/escort? Does it matter if the guy doesn’t know her side of things?

I’ve put a poll over to the right —> 

No, this post isn’t about naming penises…we’ll save that for another day. We talked on-air about a British poll that asked women what guy names they associated with larger penises, and also smaller penises. The top ten male names they associate with large weiners:

#10 Dan, #9 Richard, #8 Andy, #7 Chris, #6 Robert, #5 Mark, #4 James, #3 Steve, #2 Paul, and the number one name (British!) women mentally associate with larger pant-snakes?

Dave. (what about the statue of David? Pictured here.)

OK, now the humiliating part. Remind me not to visit Britain anytime soon. Top ten male names they mentally attach to smaller penii:

#10 Nick, #9 Dennis, #8 Barry, #7 (cough!) Josh, #6 Jeremy, #5 Keith, #4 Frank, #3 Nigel (it’s a Brit thing), #2 Brian, and the number one mens name women match to a tiny weiner?

Ray.  Sorry Ray. 

Here’s some hints on how to tell from Men’s Health:

• She Suggests Thai for Dinner: Beware the “I-don’t-know, what-do-you-want-to-do?” camp of passive babes. A woman who knows and says what she wants, even when answering a mundane question, is more likely to be assertive in bed. Good lovers take responsibility for their pleasure. They remove a lot of the guesswork.
• She Eats It Up: Take note of how she handles her food. Watch how she uses her fork. Does she enjoy things? Is she sensuous? Is she poky and grabby? If someone eats slowly, it’s likely that they like to make love for a long time.
• She Screams . . . for Coffee Ice Cream: You may find the perfect lover by comparing tastes in ice cream. Alan Hirsch, M.D., a neurologist and director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago conducted a study of 720 people, ages 24 to 59, in which he correlated personality tests, their favorite ice-cream flavors, their partners’ favorite ice creams, and relationship status. Coffee-ice-cream lovers — found to be dramatic, seductive, flirtatious — are most romantically compatible with strawberry fans. Vanilla gals (emotionally expressive and fond of PDA) melt best with rocky-road guys. And mint-chocolate-chip fans are meant for each other.
• She Talks Like You: There’s a scene in Broadcast News in which William Hurt tells Holly Hunter that listening to her talk in his earpiece while he was on the air was “like great sex!” See if you get a similar buzz from your potential bedmate. The first thing to look for is mirroring of verbal behavior and pace. That is, if her pace and her nonverbal behavior match yours, her sexual behavior, which is also nonverbal, will also likely match. If one person seems really slow moving and the other person seems fidgety, they’re going to have different sexual paces.
• She Knows Who Sid Vicious Is: Young women often aren’t relaxed enough to have an orgasm. Older women know what they like and will tell you. They realize that if they have frequent orgasms, it’s better for the man in the long run. At menopause, levels of estrogen recede, unmasking the power of testosterone. This allows women to be more assertive and demanding, and many of them become more interested in sex.
• She Gives Good Lip: The way you kiss says a lot about how you make love. It’s not just using the lips; it’s using the entire body. If she uses her hands on you and presses her breasts into you and moans and groans, she’s going to be a great lover. The best female lovers also create sexual anticipation. They start with baby kisses, and then maybe lick your top lip and suck your bottom lip, and as they’re doing that, they play with your hair, or put your hands on them. It’s sort of like a dance.
• She’s a Good Dancer: There is a certain amount of dance to copulation. And dancing is energetic, which suggests someone who’s in good shape.

I found this list attributed to “Esquire” but it’s got to be the British version. Here’s the list:

• 10. Interior decorating
• 9. Parallel parking
• 8. Ugandan discussions
• 7. Get up in the hat rack
• 6. Throw a leg over
• 5. Do a bit of front-door work
• 4. Let Jack in the orchard
• 3. Put Barney in the VCR
• 2. Take a turn among the parsley
• 1. Lead the llama to the lift shaft

Do you have some better ones?