Football season is here. Sometimes you get lucky and the woman in your life has a grasp on the basics of sports (especially hockey!) Men’s Fitness offers these tips for ’splainin’ football to a  novice in her terms:

• Ineligible receiver: Explain the idea of a player on the offensive team who is not allowed to catch a pass by likening it to her hot-yet-married male co-worker, grad-school history professor, gay male hairstylist, or anyone else who cannot accept her passes.
• Pump fake: Compare this QB ploy to the way women give out fake phone numbers at a bar. The point is to trick the opposing team — or persistent drunk guy — into thinking the object of their desire is actually within reach.
• Hail Mary: This is a desperate, last-ditch effort to score — so characterize it as last call, when clueless (read: horny) patrons lob lame pickup lines toward anyone left unhitched in a final, pathetic effort to, well, score. Tell her that, like the closing-time tactic, it’s rare that this football play actually works.
• Huddle: Explain that this is identical to female group trips to the restroom. Once there, women decide on the “play” for that evening, whether it’s calling dibs on the guys they find attractive or concocting a plan to ditch their dates.