Last week, British social etiquette advisor Debrett’s issued five “golden rules” for using Facebook. Here are their rules:

1. You don’t have to make friends with people you don’t know. Think before you poke.

2. Wait 24 hours before accepting or removing someone as a friend. The delay will help you gather your thoughts.

3. Birthdays, engagements and weddings are not “virtual” events. Always send cards or phone friends when there is an important event.

4. Think before posting a friend’s photo what you would feel like if it was you.

5. Think carefully about your profile picture. Would you want it to be appearing in your local newspaper?

And, now I present MY rules for Facebook:

Applications. No more than 15 applications! And if you add one, don’t invite every single person on your friends list. I don’t don’t give a sh!t what type of cat I am. The reason MySpace died is partly because there was so much junk on people’s pages that it took forever to load.

Profile Pics. No shirtless pics. Automatic douche. Unless it’s unflattering and/or ironic. If you’re in a couple, this doesn’t mean your profile is shared…you’re still individuals. Profile pics as a couple: ultra-lame. Celebrate your independance! Also, as with any picture, flashing any kind of hand sign (devil horns, the finger, etc.) is tres lame. 

Status Updates. No more than 3 a day. Max! Too many people change them on a second-to-second basis. “Emma is eating candy corn.” 3 minutes later: “Emma enjoyed the candy corn.” 10 minutes later: “Emma feels sick to her stomach.” Also, if you have a gripe with one specific person…email them or write on their specific wall. “Caitlin thinks you are a total bitch” makes no sense to anybody but one person on your friends list. Grammar counts. No “is is.” No “is wants to hang out tonight.”

Tagging. Use your discretion when tagging. If I look terrible in a pic (most of the time) leave the tagging up to me.

Poking. If someone doesn’t return your poke, if you have to try again, wait a week. Poking is like flirting. I always find it a little strange getting poked by guy friends.

That’s it for now, but let’s make this list fluid. Disagree? Post your comments. Add your rules in the comments. Here’s some audio:

The Facebook Rules

Callers

Relationship Status

Greg is a Weird Dude. Last week Greg Beharrell (X92.9 Evening/Weekend Guy) and I ate on a patio, and he was complaining about the sun. It turns out, he doesn’t like the sun, or daytime activities at all. Listen to his explanation here:

Greg Hates the Sun

I was talking about who my go-to-girls were for when I’m alone (or thinking about someone else…see post below.) Celebrity-wise, Scarlett J. comes into the picture. Also Estella Warren, hot Canadian. But there’s also exes and various ladies you meet along the way. What’s yours?

Caller Audio 1

Caller Audio 2

…to think of someone else when you’re making sweet love to your significant other? I was in a long-term relationship with a girl who had a large sexual appetite…bigger than mine even! Sometimes I’d think of other women while we were in the midst of the fun. Never told her of course. I took some calls, and welcome your comments here.

Caller Audio

I added a poll over there –>

THE WORST WAYS TO GET DRUNK (Consumerist.com)

• Tharra: This spirit native to India boasts a 90% alcohol content and is made by fermenting the mash of sugar cane pulp in ceramic containers. One unfortunate characteristic of the stuff is if you let it sit long enough it turns toxic. Tharra kills hundreds of people per year.
• Russian Aftershave: Many poor Russians have turned to “surrogate” alcohol, which is basically any product with a high alcohol content. Russian aftershaves are a popular item since some have a 97% alcohol content.
• Thunderbird: It is a “fortified wine” and typically contains 17.5% alcohol. Thunderbird was introduced by Ernest and Julio Gallo Winery after the end of prohibition. It was marketed to low income drinkers in America. Despite its yellow color, Thunderbird turns your lips and tongue black when consumed in large quantities.
• Pruno: Pruno is a famous jailhouse drink which is typically made from different available fruits, sugar, ketchup, and bread for its yeast. Basically the ingredients are put into a Ziploc bag, heated occasionally, strained and served. It is legendary for its foul taste.
• Changaa: Changaa is an illegal drink which is popular in Kenya. It is a libation made from distilled grains such as maize and sorghum. Changaa is usually controlled by the criminal gangs who often spike batches with jet fuel, battery acid or formalin. Obviously, this stuff kills many people every year.

Prince the dog came by the studio today with Cheryl from The Calgary Humane Society. He’s an American Eskimo - a small version of a Samoyed - and is 11 years old. His owners had to move overseas, and couldn’t bring him along. Despite his age, he’s really peppy. He has a pretty thick coat, so will need pretty regular grooming.

Newsweek Magazine offered an article on The Nine Most Obnoxious Habits of Gym Rats. Highlights:

1. The Sauna Stovetop A manager at a New York Sports Club was walking through the women’s locker room a few years ago when she smelled cheese. Puzzled, she opened the door to the sauna, where a woman had placed bread and cheese on the hot rocks to make a postworkout grilled cheese sandwich. “Not only was it a health code violation, it was not really respectful to the other people in the sauna,” says NYSC PR director Linda Hufcut. “She said, ‘I do this all the time.’ That was, obviously, the last time she ever did it.’”

2. Nude Fitness? A couple of visitors to a Gold’s Gym in Paramus, N.J., decided to get naked and weigh themselves before they started working out. The two men didn’t seem daunted by the fact that the scale was outside the locker room. They hung out by the scale, in full view of the other, clothed patrons, until a manager asked them to put some clothes on. They told Mike Epstein, the gym’s owner, that they did that sort of thing all the time at their home gym. Perhaps they meant “home gym” as in the one in their basement.

3. Creative Blow-Drying A man in a California Crunch gym decided that the best way to dry out his sweaty shoes was to stick a hair dryer in each of them while he took his after-workout shower. He was shocked when managers asked him to cease and desist. “He said, ‘I didn’t even realize I shouldn’t be doing this’,” says Keith Worts, chief operating officer of Crunch, a national fitness chain.

4. Downward Dog? At another Crunch location a man had a habit of taking a yoga class while wearing shorts without underwear. He was more than happy to correct his faux pas as soon as managers made him aware that other members were uncomfortable with the view they were getting.

5. Work Out, Sleep In Some people get a little too relaxed at the gym. Gold’s Gym managers have reported finding customers who fell asleep in the tanning facility and didn’t wake up until the gym was closed, as well as customers who fell asleep on the bench press in between sets.

6. Killer Karaoke It’s common and profoundly annoying: gymgoers get carried away listening to their music players. Before they know it they’ve treated everyone in the room to an off-key rendition of “…Baby One More Time.” “I call it karaoke gone bad, because there is no background music and they’re singing at the top of their lungs,” says Harry Reo, a regional vice president for 24 Hour Fitness.

7. Talking (Too Much of) the Talk Fed up with people gabbing on their cell phones as they used the elliptical, many gyms have banned cell phones around workout equipment and designated areas for patrons to make calls. Still, people forget. “There’s nothing worse than running on the treadmill and having someone next to you conducting an extremely loud conversation,” says Hufcut, who’s seen some people use walkie-talkies while on the treadmill.

8. Sweat Sins It seems basic, but enough people forget to wipe down their equipment after using it that this was one of the four deadly gym sins included on an informational video NYSC taped a few years ago. During the segment a careless gymgoer didn’t dry off his machine; when he stood up, the entire machine was covered in dripping goo.

9. Scrimmage to Scuffle It’s only logical that testosterone can run high at the gym, and sometimes managers need to break up altercations on the basketball court, says Nancy Pattee Francini, co-founder and president of the Sports Club/LA, which has 10 locations around the country. “Those guys, when they’re playing basketball, can get into fights,” she says. “They’re not terrible fights—we’re a high-end club.”

Your calls on the matter

Calgary’s New Rock Alternative X92.9 FM is now a year-and-a-half old. You may have been there since the beginning, or perhaps are just now discovering us. If we haven’t been properly introduced yet, I host the afternoon show. It runs weekdays from 2-7PM, which includes the 6 O’Clock Rock Report, an hour of music news, interviews and some damn good music. I love that my show has become a two-way connection and always enjoy interacting with you. You can get in touch a whole bunch of ways:

Phone during the show: 403-238-X929 (9929)

Leave a voicemail: 403-670-0210 x 1851

E-mail: josh@x929.ca

Social Networking: Facebook, MySpace (let’s be friends!)

Feel free to take a browse through the past years’ worth of blog archives, and make sure you bookmark my blog!!!

Dogs are used for leading the blind, therapy, drug-sniffing, and all sorts of other helpful jobs. But dogs can rock apparently. I came across a band called Caninus, fronted by two pitbulls. And a band called Hatebeak, whose lead singer is a 15-year old parrot. We listen to some audio clips and chat about the phenomenon here:

Singing Dogs n Birds

Comedian Shaun Majumder is performing at The Laugh Shop this Friday and Saturday night. He came by to co-host my show on Thursday afternoon. Here’s the conversation, plus a few calls we got that didn’t air on the show.

Majumder Part #1

Majumder Part #2

Majumder Part #3

Call from a Newf

Call about Rashida Jones