10 WORST PICK UP LINES (AskMen.com)

• “Hey, I was just thinking of you! Okay, I’m all cleaned up now though.”: This line is fairly crude and implies that you have the stamina of a 12-year-old, so it’ll only tempt her to leave the room rather than leave with you .
• “How would you like your eggs for breakfast: scrambled, boiled or fertilized?”: This one may be funny, but it’s also a tad presumptuous. Women generally dislike sexual references, as well as men who assume they can conquer any women they meet. To add insult to injury, it alludes to pregnancy; not a smart move.
• “What do you say we go back to my place and do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!”: She may like the fact that you have a solid grasp of mathematics, but she will also assume you’re the pocket protector-wearing type. And thanks to the pickup line’s length, she will be history by the time you carry over the one.
• “You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everybody we did it anyway.”: This one is provocative and funny, but chances are it might garner you a slap across the face. On the other hand, she might counter with, “you’d better tell them I was good,” but don’t count on it.
• “Hey babe, do you know that my bedroom is soundproof?”: This one seems good at first, but it connotes that you will get action that night. Again, pretty presumptuous. On a scarier note, it also implies that if you do get her to your place, she could scream for help and no one would hear… pass.
• “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.”: Okay, so you know what Braille is… good for you. You may need it after she gouges your eyes out for insinuating that you could fondle her breasts without consequence. Generally speaking, lines that could be used at porn conventions are of no use in mainstream settings.
• “I just want to tell you that you have a price to pay for being this cute, and I’m here to collect… your phone number, that is.”: It’s fairly witty, but drags on for too long. And she’ll expect some celebrity to burst onto the scene and pitch you a collect-call phone program.
• “Did you know women are like parking spots? All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. Which are you?”: Mr. Sensitive, “come on down!” Comparing women to cement on which cars are parked will not get you far, while implying that a woman is handicapped if she’s single is going to put you in the ER.
• “Can I buy you a drink or do you prefer the cash instead?”: As a general rule, implying that she is a hooker will not work. Leave that for the streetwalker get-togethers and offer her a drink instead.
• “If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?”: Are you asking her whether or not she’s a virgin? Why not ask her whether it’s that time of the month while you’re it? Leave the references to her box and your tools out of the dialogue, if you want to leave the bar in one piece.

HOW NOT TO BE A SUNGLASSES DOUCHE:

• No sunglasses indoors. Take them off. Only exception here is if you’re in a sunroom, or a house made entirely of glass.
• No sunglasses at night. Corey Hart is a douche, and you are too if you wear your sunglasses after sunset.
• No sunglasses at bars, clubs or concerts. This is combining the “indoors” and “at night” rules for double-douchiness. You might think people will look at you and think, “how mysterious” or “that guy is cool.” Truthfully, people will be looking at you thinking “how douchey” or “that guy is re-goddamned-diculous!”
• Men should not wear oversize sunglasses. (Women shouldn’t either, but that’s a bigger fight)
• Men should not wear sunglasses with highly visible designer names or symbols. (ie. D&G, Chanel) It’s just lame and douchey.
• Men should also avoid the lightly tinted J-Lo style glasses. Do I need to explain?

These are just a few tips to help you avoid being douchey. If you see a friend who needs to be told - tell them. It’s also perfectly acceptable to walk by someone wearing sunglasses indoors and saying loudly and sarcastically while shielding your eyes: “owww, my eyes! It’s so bright in here, I wish I had my sunglasses!”

I’d heard about services like this in the past, but usually in other cities. Well, now there’s a local number you can use at your discretion. I’m guessing it’s mostly ladies who have to deal with persistent guys.

I’m not sure I’m totally agree with using it as the first option. It’s more if the guy is super-persistent or a giant douchebag. In fact, if it’s a giant douchebag, it would be fun to use it right off the bat. For examples of douchebags check out Hot Chicks With Douchebags. Meantime, here’s the recording one hears when dialing 775-9982:

rejection-hotline.mp3

Did an interview with Jay Louis, creator of the website Hot Chicks With Douchebags, and soon to be author of a book by the same name. The interview stirred up some controversy. Lots of Calgary people assume Douchebaggery is just popped collars, but it’s more than that. Douchebags come in all shapes and sizes. Making tough/angry-guy faces and flashing the devil horns when getting a pic taken, 45 degree hat tilt, big glasses, chains, spiky hair, the Gotti-kid look, wigga look, bad tats, mandana, unfortunate facial hair…these are all signs of potential douchebaggery. Here’s the interview in three parts:

HCWDB #1

HCWDB #2

HCWDB #3 

One of the main things I do on the show is call out douchebags, and there are plenty in Calgary. We’re trying slowly to drive the douche out of Calgary. There are definitely some misconceptions about what constitutes douche. One of the big traits is dropping the devil hand gesture in pics. Dead giveaway of douchiness. But there are plenty more, and tomorrow (Tuesday) just after 5PM, we’ll have the creator of the website Hot Chicks With Douchebags, and soon to be author of a book by the same title. We’ve talked about his site often in the last few months, and tomorrow we’ll have him on. If you have any questions about Douchebaggery - e-mail me. josh@x929.ca

I went to see Hot Fuzz over the weekend at the Eau Claire theatre. During the movie, some choad down the row decided he needed to read and reply to a text message or two on his palmpilot/blackberry thing. Highly Douchey! If you can’t go two hours without checking your text messages, or seeing who called you, or worst of all, answering your phone - watching movies in the theatre just isn’t for you. Don’t go. I think theatres should be allowed to use cell-blocking technology to discourage the douche.

HOW NOT TO BE A DOUCHEBAG AT THE MOVIES: 

• No Cell Phones:  Turn the ringer off. Not vibrate. Off. If it’s on vibrate it’ll only tempt you to check it if there’s a call or message. Do not answer incoming calls, or (I feel like I’m stating the obvious here) make outgoing calls. Do not open your phone to see if anyone called or to read and write text messages. This is a big one, as people seem to assume it’s just the actual talking and ringing that’s distracting. That giant glowing LCD screen in the midst of the darkened theatre takes my attention from the movie screen. Again…if you can’t go two hours without touching your cell phone, you shouldn’t go to movies. And you should seek professional help.
• No Talking: Talk all you want before the movie and during the inevitable ads that precede the it. During the trailers, it’s polite to leave the talk for between the trailers, where it’s acceptable to say stuff like “that looks awesome” or “that looks suck-tastic.” Once the lights go down and the “feature presentation” bumper ends, it’s time to shut it! Don’t be tempted to talk with your companion about what’s on screen. If you’re on a first date and trying to impress her with your witty comments, trust me, you’re not funnier than the movie. Don’t state the obvious: “oh crap, she’s dead.” Don’t make out-loud predictions: “He’s gonna get caught!” Just save the talk ’til the movie is over and the credits are rolling.
• Remain Seated: You know the movie is gonna be 2 hours. Plan ahead. Take a whiz before it starts. You getting up and walking in front of people during the movie is annoying and distracting. It also means that when you return to your seat, the same thing happens again, plus you might be tempted to have a conversation about what you missed…which makes it double-douchey.

What as a regular non-douchey moviegoer can you do to keep the douche at bay? If your friend breaks one of the rules, you must be quick to remind them about the rules. If a stranger is chatting, a shush is a good start, an evil stare is the next step, and a “will you shut the f*ck up!?!” is a fine last resort. As for cellphone users the same tactic can be effective. As for texting and the glowing screens, I’ve found throwing pennies at the hands and /or device of the user can be effective. Some brands of candy will work too. For now the balcony is closed.   

I’m not buying these figures. Women may say and believe these things, but the proof is in their actions and I think, sadly, looks trump humour and sweetness every time. Hence so many hot chicks with douchebags. In my experience, I’ve not come across very many funny guys who are hot. Cute maybe, yet it’s the physically attractive guys, not the funny ones that inevitably win the race. In any case here’s the results of a recent survey:

What’s the most important quality in a potential man?

2% said looks

3% said financial and career success

42% said sense of “humor”

38% said “sweetness”

Apparently there are plenty of people in Calgary who have bad taste in music (and radio for that matter.) So much so that there was an actual petition and effort to convince Justin Timberlake to bring his mediocre brand of music to this city. Well we’ve decided to form a group to ban Timberlake from Calgary, and it looks like it’s been a smashing success, as Justin isn’t coming here on his current tour. Thanks for your support, but make sure you join the facebook group and sign the petition to make sure this monster of mediocrity never comes here.

Facebook

Petition

Justin Winner Call

I’m always amazed at people who take the time to send random hate mail. There’s nothing constructive here, and it accomplishes nothing. Except maybe to help the writer feel better about themselves. Witness Frank. He recently e-mailed me out of the blue on Facebook. Here’s the conversation:

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 12:03am

YOU SUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOKIE WANNA BE !!!!!!!!! AND BURN THAT BOX OF CD”S CAUSE IT SUCKS TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Josh Holliday Show

Today at 2:30am

Ummm…thanks for the kind words. Remember, you can change the station anytime you want douchey.

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 5:51pm

whatever fag nuts, didn’t you get chased out of toronto for the same sh!t?????? like i don’t know if you don’t get that you suck or if everyone here has fallen for the promise that you can be a good dj?

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 5:52pm

and believe me the channel changes every time your on!!

Josh Holliday Show

Today at 5:56pm

Oh Frank.

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 6:00pm

i know flatery will get me no where!

Josh Holliday Show

Today at 6:00pm

Exactly! Have a good weekend.

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 6:16pm

well i would say the same but i really hope you dont ….. because then you will blaber on as always and just destroy what a good thing this radio station is for calgary, and by the way when someone comes tothe r.v and says hey whats up a response would be in orderand not just “the stickers are on the counter” ….. retard

Josh Holliday Show

Today at 7:46pm

Did you come by? Sorry if I wasn’t as responsive as I could’ve been. There’s a lot of stuff going on in there, from taking phone calls to running the board, and unlike the edge, we’re there all alone with nobody to help out. Your anger is generally pretty amusing, as was your comment about Bookie. I worked with Bookie for over 10 years, and always liked him and his energy, though he’s totally unique and I have no desire to be him, or do his style of radio. You also complained about the Big Box. In the interest of constructive criticism, what would you rather hear in there?

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 11:09pm

you just dont get it, i would rather listen to RAFFI do your show then you. i just need to get rid of you period… i think they should just let lynch stay on the air as long as he thinks he can and if there is some time left you can say hi or do some annoucments or something just so that you can say you came here and accomplished something, and call your friends in toronto and tell them yoou are on the radio in calgary!!!

I’ve decided not to respond anymore. Frank has obvious anger (and grammar while we’re at it)?issues, and better not to anger him. Frank Angry, Frank Hit!!! Grrrr. And Frank, I’m sorry my show isn’t up to the high standards of a hit TV show like Married With Children.

Stumbled across this site recently. It’s called You Have Bad Taste In Music, and being a bit of a music snob, I can’t help laughing at some of the videos on here. I’m surprised he didn’t get beaten up, going into some of the bad-music danger zones he did. Check out the videos. The Evanescence and Linkin Park ones are pretty funny. Admitting you have bad taste in music is the first step towards recovery. I ordered a T.